


Memories in My Head, Shadows Outside

by C_l_o_v_e



Series: How many times can I say I'm sorry (how many times can I say goodbye) [2]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Dealing With Guilt, Flower Symbolism, Found Family, Funeral, Guilt, Revolution, Villain Jschlatt (Video Blogging RPF), l'manburg, manburg, mentions of crazy wilbur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:48:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27261484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/C_l_o_v_e/pseuds/C_l_o_v_e
Summary: TubboA beloved friend, fighter, and family memberL’manburg will not forget2003-2020Techno has a few things to say to an old friend.
Series: How many times can I say I'm sorry (how many times can I say goodbye) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1987600
Comments: 3
Kudos: 57





	Memories in My Head, Shadows Outside

**Author's Note:**

  * For [EvenMadderHatter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvenMadderHatter/gifts).



He wasn’t invited to the funeral; Tommy made sure of that. He doesn’t blame his younger brother for that decision; he doesn’t blame anyone. After all, who in their right mind would invite the executioner? Techno knows that it’s his fault that a sixteen-year-old child is being buried in the ground. He knows that it’s his fault that they almost didn’t have a body to bury. With all the Manburgians chasing him at the festival, Tommy barely managed to bring Tubbo home. If it weren’t for Dream’s netherite armor, there would be two graves by the forest instead of just one.

Tubbo funeral takes place at sunrise. He’s buried in a clearing on a hill just by the outskirts of Manburg, by the old redwood trees that used to watch over him. The funeral isn’t perfect; it’s rushed and temporary with the makeshift podium and the foldable chairs. There isn’t enough time to set up anything more permanent; Schlatt’s still searching for them, and staying in an open spot for too long is a death sentence. 

Few are invited, but all of them attend. Tommy steps up to the podium, and he speaks first. Techno doesn’t catch all of the words, but he does hear when Tommy starts crying. Niki, Fundy, Eret, and Wilbur all step up to the podium and mourn their fallen comrade, their friend. Techno watches as Tubbo’s coffin is carefully lifted into the dirt by Eret and Fundy. He sees the golden light from the sunrise shine upon Tubbo one last time before the soil blankets him. 

He sees and hears it all from the edge of the clearing, hiding under the darkness that the forest provides, and mourns alone. Tubbo was a good soldier. He was one of the founding fathers of L’manburg, and he never once stopped fighting for what he believed in. He was sweet and loving and so fiercely loyal. He deserved so much more. 

(Tubbo was a good _kid_ )

It takes Techno two weeks to pull himself together and see him. Every evening, he goes out and hides under cover of the forest. Every evening, he brings his tribute and waits for the right moment to step into the clearing. He always leaves before he can. 

The others visit under cover of darkness as well. Eret and Niki come by a few times in early evenings to replace the small lanterns illuminating the grave. One day they come along with Fundy, and all three of them plant a little garden of flowers around Tubbo’s headstone as the sun sets. 

Wilbur visits once or twice. He always goes and sees Tubbo alone, in the early morning when he can’t sleep. Wilbur doesn’t do much except sit next to the headstone and murmur. One time, Techno thinks he hears Wilbur sing to Tubbo, but he sincerely doubts it. Wilbur hasn’t sung since he lost his presidency (and his mind). 

Tommy visits Tubbo every evening when the moon is in the middle of the sky. Every night, he arrives with a hand-picked flower without fail and lays it right on the fresh soil. Tommy spends hours talking to Tubbo and cries each night. He doesn’t leave until the moon sets, and the stars begin to fade with the black velvet that cloaks them. He doesn’t go until golden light bathes the clearing again. 

It takes two weeks for Techno to learn everybody’s mourning schedules and two weeks for him to finally cross the border. The forest is completely dark at night, with only glimpses of the moon’s soft light peeking through trees’ leaves. Techno takes a deep breath and steps out of the trees and into the clearing. The world is silent, save for the rustle of grass brushing against his legs and the sound of the evening breeze. Tonight, even the creatures of the night are mourning. 

Tubbo’s grave is a simple one, with only a single gray tombstone and tributes from friends and family to even prove that he was there in the first place. A little garden decorates the sides, and small lanterns give off enough glow to let him see. The dirt is still fresh, and Techno can’t help but grimace at the sight of markings on the gray slab. 

_Tubbo_

_A beloved friend, fighter, and family member_

_L’manburg will not forget_

_2003-2020_

Too young. The tombstone is just one more reminder that Tubbo was just a kid when he died. That he was just a kid when he started a country and was forced to defend it. That he was braver than Techno ever will be. 

Techno takes a seat next to the grave and gently sets the bundle of flowers down beside him. He picks up several daisies from the bundle and begins practicing the careful, methodical weaves Tubbo taught him a long time ago.

“Hey Tubbo,” he starts, deep voice wavering, “how have you been? I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to see you, everything’s been, well, rough to say the least. Tommy’s gone rogue and won’t listen to anyone anymore. Wilbur’s gone insane and wants to completely decimate Manburg. And I… I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Techno turns his head to gaze at the stars that blanket the black velvet of the sky. He gives himself a moment to gather his thoughts. Techno’s spent countless sleepless nights trying to come to terms with Tubbo’s last moments, even writing a small script at one point. But now that he’s actually here, he’s not sure how to even start. 

He adds another daisy to his braided chain and sighs. “Did Tommy ever tell you what he said to me when he first met you? He told me that he had met the clingiest person in the world. That, you wouldn’t leave his side, even if he was particularly, well, Tommy that day. He told me you laughed at all of his jokes and went along with his bits, even when they got questionable. He told me you were the most annoying person he had ever met. He told me he had finally made a friend.” 

Techno stops fiddling around with the flowers in his hand and gazes off into the distance. For a moment, a blissful moment, he’s back at his family’s cottage. A time before the war, a time before everyone left to explore the lands of DreamSMP. A wooden home amid lush green fields where Tommy and Tubbo would spend their days, disappearing for hours on end. A time before children became revolutionaries and Wilbur was shattered. A warm home where he grew up with his caring father and younger brothers. A time where he didn’t feel so guilty for killing one of his own. 

Techno shifts his gaze back to his hands ( _his hands, bloodied and shaking and holding a certain crossbow_ ), which are still holding the daisies. He shuffles around awkwardly and puts the chain down. “I took that away from him. I-I killed you, Tubbo, and for that, I’m sorry. I should have done something, anything. I should’ve broken you out; I could’ve killed Schlatt and Quackity, I-”

Techno takes a deep, shuddering breath and doesn’t say anything. He pauses and places his head in his hands before whispering, “I should’ve known that it was a trap. That something wasn’t right. I should’ve saved you.” 

“You were a good kid. You deserved better, and one day, I’ll make it up to you. You were too young to understand how martyrship worked, and you were too young to become one. We’ll win this war for you. We’ll take back this country for you. Maybe,” he hesitates, “maybe complete destruction can be put on hold for a bit. Maybe the withers can wait. L’manburg deserves another chance.”

It takes a while for Techno’s vision to stop being blurry. By the time he calms down and finishes the chain, a quick glance at the sky tells him that he doesn’t have much time left. It’s almost Tommy’s turn to talk to Tubbo, and although Techno’s made progress, he doesn’t think he’s ready to deal with Tommy yet. Not now, but maybe one day when he’s feeling brave enough to face his youngest brother. He owes Tommy a long conversation, one that’s not just settled and brushed over with a fight.

Techno places the single purple hyacinth he brought on top of the fresh soil and delicately lays the daisy chain around Tubbo’s tombstone. He gets up, dusting the grave dirt off of his dress pants. The pink-haired man takes a deep breath and dares to smile for the first time since the festival. 

“Take care of yourself, Tubbo,” he pats the gray stone gently, “I’ll come back soon to see you again.”

A single bee lands on the lightly illuminated grave as Techno walks away. 

**Author's Note:**

> Surprise it's me your favorite heart stomper! I was perfectly content with leaving What Comes Next on its own as a one-shot but then this idea came to me in the middle of the night and wouldn't leave. So now this is an ongoing series of one-shots and stories about sad times. 
> 
> As always, kudos and comments are greatly appreciated and fuel my motivation to write. If you liked the piece lemme know :D


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